We Can Dance, But We Don't Want To

I was listening to Safety Dance -- because you can't not listen to Safety Dance when it is on -- and I decided: I would, in fact, love to surprise someone with a victory cry. HAH! I WIN!

Time is an Illusion, Teatime Doubly So

I had a meeting at 9:30. I emaild everyone and said, "can we push it forward to 10:00?"

Apparently everyone showed up at 9:00 and discussed how rude it was for me to move a meeting and then not show up. Their side of the story? "You said 'forward'."

Things You Don't Know

"Honey, I need a new bar of soap."

"It's here in the -- ugh, you smell like ass."

"Well, in a few short minutes, I hope to smell more like Lever 2000. And shampoo. Conditioner. That oatmeal gunk you put on your face that you don't think I use but I do sometimes because frankly it makes my boys minty-tingly."

"What?"

"Nothing."

How Is Your Lab Work Going, Jason?

Lord Dark Helmet said it best: "Fuck! Even in the future nothing works."

Whatever, Freak

"Daddy, I'm hungry."
"Ok, let's make some grilled cheeses. Does that sound good?"
"Uh. No. Let's have apples and soy milk."
"You spend too much time with Mommy."

Cravings?

"Oh! Can we go to the steakhouse for dinner?"
"Ok, sure."
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"Hi, can I just have a side salad, please?"
???