Little Girl Humor

"Why did the squirrel look down his pants?"

Why?

"He was looking for his nuts!  BWAHAHAHA!"

Bustier Night

Holiday drinking with the dudes at the bar:

"Man, I haven't been to this bar since, like, last year, with you guys."
"That's because you're not a biker, man.  Only bikers come here."
"I could be."
"I was here yesterday."
"Yesterday?"
"Are you a biker?"
"Why?"
"It was bikini night."
All: "AWESOME!"
Drink.

"Did any of you guys go see The Hobbit?"
"Not yet.  It's gonna rock."
"Well, not like Lord of the Rings."
"Totally."
"They split it into three movies.  This one only covers, like, the first seven chapters."
"Isn't that about how long it took the dwarves to fucking show up and eat?"
"That's bullshit."
Drink.

"Oh, man, when my wife took me to Twilight -"
"That's bullshit."
"- and the preview for The Hobbit came on, I was all like 'I'm taking you to that shit!'"
"Are you gonna?"
"Right, cause she'd totally go."
"That's bullshit."
"Totally, but that fight scene, right?"
"That was cool."
"Right, but man, I was sitting on the toilet and the book was right there and I was gonna be a while, so I flip to the end to check out that fight."
"It's not even in there, man!"
"It's all like talking and hugging and shit."
"I know!"
"That's bullshit!"
"I know!"
Drink.

"I'm gonna be forty tomorrow, guys."
"Happy Birthday, man."
"Congrats."
"Getting old?"
"I've had to start using that stinky ointment shit on all the sore places."
"That's my cologne these days, man."
"You ever get that shit on your nuts?"
"What?"
"Why, were your nuts sore?"
"Dude, why would you put it on your nuts?"
"It was an accident, I was rubing it in -"
"On your nuts."
"- on my leg!"
"Right."
"You ever been peeling pepper seeds and then get that shit on your nuts?  That's worse."
"That's bullshit."
"Why is it that you have enough first-hand experience to compare the two?"
"It was an accident."
"That's bullshit."
Drink.

"So, yeah, so I'm apparently old enough to go to the store by myself to buy tampons."
"They card you?"
"Dude, I have this great blog post about going to fucking WallMart three times one night for that shit."
"What the hell?"
"You record that shit online?"
"You assholes are gonna get the shit blogged out of you."
"It's all confusing, with all the color-coding and shit."
"That's bullshit."
"Here's some toilet paper.  Roll your own."
"What the fuck, I'm just gonna get her some Depends next time."
"'Get me wings, asshole!'"
"Yeah, and that."
"Tampons don't have wings."
"That's bullshit."
Drink.