"Do you guys want to watch TV?"
"Ok, sure."
"Here's the remote. Know how to use it?"
"Um...."
"Push this button to select the receiver. Then power here. Deselect the receiver by pushing this button and select the tv and push power again. Bring up the menu, here. Roll through the channel selection guide with these. Here's the volume. When you find something you want to watch, if it has already started, you can ...."
"You know what? I think I'll just go to sleep instead."
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Is This Just Me?
Visiting my hometown....
The Wife quietly leans over to me: "Is there an adult store in town?"
"Um...I dunno."
"Go ask your dad."
"Eww, no!"
"Why?"
Words have escaped. Of course I retaliated in the only language she understands: acquiescence.
"She needs a sex store. Tonight." I announce to a living room full of family, hoping to embarrass everyone into a stupor.
Of course, my family are experts and they don't miss a beat. "What kind? Are you looking for toys or clothes or magazines or videos or books or what?" Everyone has a favorite.
---
At "The Shoppe":
I'm admiring the clothing, the games, and of course perusing the video selection. Shaving Private Ryan. Add Mama to the Train. NetFlix has some catching up to do.
She's talking to the gal, who is laying out a dissertation on the merits of metal nubs versus the plastic kind.
---
Later....
House full of people, The Wife leans over and whispers something to my sister.
"Go ahead," she replies. "We'll watch your boy while you are busy."
"Busy?" I ask as I'm being dragged upstairs. "Busy with what?"
---
In my old room:
"What's the matter? You don't seem as into this as usual."
"You told my sister what we are doing."
"So?"
"And I can hear my dad talking downstairs. Right...under...us."
"So?"
---
We get back downstairs. I'm trying my darndest (and failing) to suppress the I-just-got-it smirk. That eyes half closed, vacant look that says, 'I need a glass of water and a nap.'
"Wow, you guys were very quiet," my sister critiques. Did she just look at her watch?
Dad, maybe he's oblivious: "Did you change clothes?"
The Wife quietly leans over to me: "Is there an adult store in town?"
"Um...I dunno."
"Go ask your dad."
"Eww, no!"
"Why?"
Words have escaped. Of course I retaliated in the only language she understands: acquiescence.
"She needs a sex store. Tonight." I announce to a living room full of family, hoping to embarrass everyone into a stupor.
Of course, my family are experts and they don't miss a beat. "What kind? Are you looking for toys or clothes or magazines or videos or books or what?" Everyone has a favorite.
---
At "The Shoppe":
I'm admiring the clothing, the games, and of course perusing the video selection. Shaving Private Ryan. Add Mama to the Train. NetFlix has some catching up to do.
She's talking to the gal, who is laying out a dissertation on the merits of metal nubs versus the plastic kind.
---
Later....
House full of people, The Wife leans over and whispers something to my sister.
"Go ahead," she replies. "We'll watch your boy while you are busy."
"Busy?" I ask as I'm being dragged upstairs. "Busy with what?"
---
In my old room:
"What's the matter? You don't seem as into this as usual."
"You told my sister what we are doing."
"So?"
"And I can hear my dad talking downstairs. Right...under...us."
"So?"
---
We get back downstairs. I'm trying my darndest (and failing) to suppress the I-just-got-it smirk. That eyes half closed, vacant look that says, 'I need a glass of water and a nap.'
"Wow, you guys were very quiet," my sister critiques. Did she just look at her watch?
Dad, maybe he's oblivious: "Did you change clothes?"
Momma Called the Doctor and the Doctor Said....
"Daddy, daddy!"
"Uh-huh?"
"My fingers were stuck and mommy called the doctor and he said 'don't put your fingers in the chair.'"
"Huh?"
The Wife: "There was an incident. It involved the chair, a doctor, some olive oil, and the tub of butter. Don't sit there."
"Uh-huh?"
"My fingers were stuck and mommy called the doctor and he said 'don't put your fingers in the chair.'"
"Huh?"
The Wife: "There was an incident. It involved the chair, a doctor, some olive oil, and the tub of butter. Don't sit there."
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