iPad Skillz

The seventeen month old just tried to 'swipe' away my televised election coverage.

Word of the Day

"How come we can't find the hair gel, Daddy?  That is totally lame, Daddy.  Doesn't Target sell it?  Don't you think that is lame?  Maybe it's in another aisle.  No?  How lame.  How long have we been looking, Daddy?  That is so lame.  Maybe we should ask someone who works in this lame store?  Daddy, why are we leaving?  Did we find it?  Lame!"

Exeunt father and daughter.

Sugar and Space

The Girl is chalking up the sidewalk.

Whatcha drawing?

"Strawberries."

Oh.  That's a little out of charac-

"...attacking a TIE fighter."

There she is.

Someone's Last-Minute Christmas List

A pair of Stompeez, a Snuggie, and a Shake-Weight.

If you get these from me this holiday season, I must not like you very much.  Sorry.

Milestone

After a very brief lesson, we're now keen on walking with the push toy. Haven't figured out steering, yet.

Putting blankie in the toy shopping cart and pushing it around is pure gold.

Allergy Note

J: Do not eat salmon if you wish to live.
Also avoid Chamomile. Itchy ears. Sounds fun, but not.
And what the hell did Dions put in their fruit that one time? Ouch.

C: Avoid eating...uh, basically anything. Poor guy.

At Meteor Crater

Floor Nugget

Noun
A lump of something, as of chicken, that has surpassed the five-second rule.
Usage: "You can't eat floor nugget!"
Origin: The Girl

Oh, yeah, and the big hole in the ground was pretty cool too. Easily came in second most amusing event of the day.

Snake Guy Sighting #2

Tam Junction Starbucks, this time.

Still trying to pick up high-class chicks with his snakes.

I do hope he gets some.

Ah-Da!

The youngest is entralled by his new-found ability to articulate when any activity or meal should be immediately ceased.

All done!

All the World's a Candy Store, He's Been Trick or Treating

There was a snake guy at the elite-ish Italian pastry place in Greenbrae.

The kids loved it.

The biddies did not.

What Are We Looking At?

I think it's terribly awkward when an ugly girl wears a shirt with a hot chick on it.

Don't Pee On Me, Bro!

Fort Cronkhite, walking the beach. Wiggly toddler in one arm, a bunch of other crap in the other. I can't see whe my feet are.

"Argh, Mother! My foot! What the shit was that?"
"Ooh, a jellyfish. Don't touch it."

Stabbin' 4 Jesus

Three big dudes walking menacingly toward me in Concord. Big dudes. Shaved heads. Dark, skinny sunglasses. Bling swinging to and fro.

They laughed when I said I was destined to get stabbed in California. Laughed!

"Excuse me, Sir?"
Well, at least the gents were going to be polite about it.
Resigned to my fate: "Yes?"
"We'd like you to have this pamphlet. God bless you."

On Loan

On travel, working from the hotel room.

"Crud, my calculator died."
The Wife: "What kind of batteries?"
"Three triple-A."
"I have four, but I'll need them back later tonight."

Another Lecture

"Daddy, see how this pattern is black with red?"
"Sure."
"It's like Darth Maul."
"Huh.  Okay."
"Daddy, he's a bad guy in Star Wars."
"Huh.  Okay."

How Many Dads Must Ask This Question?

"Whose poop is this?"

Playing One Against the Other...Badly

"Mommy, can I have hot chocolate? Daddy said no."

Fun With Calis

Step 1: Make an offhanded mention of how LA and the Bay are essentially the same place.

Step 2: Enjoy the fireworks.

Step 3: Profit!

Don't Put That There

I confused a neti pot with a diva cup in casual conversation today.

Dissn' Dat

"I snoozed and losed."

"Are you sure that's not 'snost and lost'?"